Ish my kid says

The Miracle Whip commercial with Pauly D from Jersey Shore came on.
Majerle: Hey he's from Joisey Shore!
Me: Say whaaaaat?!?
Majerle: He's from Joisey Shore.

I don't know who's been letting this kid watch Jersey Shore or why she pronounces it that way but I couldn't help but laugh.

baby leashes are the debil

the baby leash. oh where do i begin...

i was lurking around my local mommies website when i noticed a topic about baby leashes. the original poster was considering buying one for her child and wanted to know peoples opinions on the matter. of course, moms chimed in about how great baby leashes are. i tried to fight the urge to be the wet blanket (as i always seem to be on that site) but i think you know how the story ends. i managed to bite my tongue and simply replied:

i've never used one, but i'm not a fan. we simply taught our DD1 how to walk next to us with no problems. when we came close to a street or any other possible safety concern we would either hold her hand or pick her up.

so of course, the next poster was a fan of baby leashes and claimed that ever since her young child almost got hit by a car, it's her new personal messiah. and that's when it hit me: parents are lazy as hell and will do anything to disguise the fact that they are lazy as hell. now don't get me wrong, i know that every family is different and every child is different. and we're all different but we're all the same blah blah blah babies blah blah blah puppies and rainbows and lollipops. but let's be honest--baby leashes are for lazy parents. it takes much more effort to actually keep an eye on your child and retrieve them if they are in harms way than it does to leash them up and give the leash a yank if they're doing something they're not supposed to be. why hold your child's hand in a large crowd when you could leash them? why push a big bulky stroller when you could leash them? why actually pay attention when you could leash them? because all of that is hard work and hard work is no fun!

lay down the rules. tell 14 month old tommy that he doesn't pay any bills and he ain't running nothing. so either hold mommy's hand or walk right next to me but you better keep up. you can break free if you want to, but that's probably not a good idea. the minivan speeding toward you will crush you like a bug. and if you ever want to go on another playdate again, it's in your best interest to do what i tell you to do. now let's get crackin.

i guess my point is this: if you're doing it right, being a parent is hard work and we all like to take shortcuts every now and then. but if your precious little one doesn't listen to you when they're not confined to a stroller and you want them to be safe, maybe it's best if you wait until they are developmentally ready to walk without being a flight risk and are able to listen and follow rules.

 

oh and if nothing else, the baby leash makes both of you look silly. kind of like when you see people walking a cat on a leash. :)

tales of an overpacking, procrastinating, nesting, lunatic

as i type this, i'm sitting in the new baby's room (aka the office that i still haven't converted into a nursery/bedroom) procrastinating. i should be doing doing a million and one other things, but instead i'm staring at my computer. i was attempting to pack my bag for the hospital as well as the baby's bag and majerle's bag, but who knew packing a bag for a kid you've never met before would be so hard? i don't remember packing majerle's bag or mine. to be honest, there isn't much i remember about the events leading up to majerle's birth and i was always fine with that because brian was there to fill in the blanks for me. now, i find myself going to ask him questions like "what did we do with our birth plan?" "did you remember what i packed the first time around?" who's idea was it to have another baby?!?!?" but sadly, he's not there to answer me.

i don't know how single mothers do it. and granted, now i too am a single mother, but it hasn't sunk in yet. i guess i'm still waiting for him to help me turn the office into a nursery or give me the encouragement and motivation i so desperately need. i want him here to help me make a decision about what to pack and what not to pack, because i'm lost.

what's really strange is that as much as i'm not prepared for this child to be born, i just want her to be here already. let the disaster of me trying to raise 2 kids by myself begin! it's kind of like when i was in school and i hadn't studied for a major test. i just wanted to get the damn thing over with instead of trying to cram in as much info as i could before class started. rip the band aid off already. come on baby, we've got hardships to deal with and mountains to climb. let's just get started already!

but instead, i'm going to procrastinate a little while longer by waddling around at babies r us, going on a frozen yogurt play date, and taking a long shower. there will be lots of sitting around, lots of avoiding anything that has to do with getting ready for the new baby and then at around 9 pm just for good measure, i'm going to panic about how i've gotten nothing done. yup. that sounds about right...

changes

i haven't touched this blog in months but every once in a while i would think about revisiting it. but once i got here, i definitely knew some changes needed to be made. the title of the blog has gone from majerle (mar-lee) and me to 3some because majerle's little sister is due to make her arrival in a few short weeks. the content will feature a little bit more about my personal life rather than a general motherhood inspired blog. and the overall writing style will change-- it is what it is. no longer am i trying to appeal to a broader audience...or any audience for that matter. it's just an authentic blog about us.

as i started typing this entry, the title "changes" was a no brainer. i looked back to see what my last entry was titled and what the subject matter was and i can honestly say, i was a bit surprised to find the title to be so similar. i'm not sure why though. life is always changing. this time five years ago i was living the high life (literally). partying EVERY night. i was 23, thin, single, and totally irresponsible. but i was having a great time. four years ago, brian and i were living in a tiny one bedroom apartment with no furniture (unless you count a milk crate as furniture) and i was halfway through my pregnancy with majerle. 3 years ago i had settled into my role as a stay at home mom and a supportive partner. majerle and brian were my life and everything i did revolved around them. i had pretty much lost touch with my friends because let's face it, sobriety and babies aren't much fun when you're in your 20s. i was happy though. in the 2 years to follow i started going back to school to finish my degree, brian started getting into the landscaping business as well as working as a bartender at a great upscale restaurant. majerle, brian, and i had eventually moved into a home in a great neighborhood (and we have furniture!). things were far from perfect but it was amazing to think how much both of us had changed in just a few short years.

now i can't help but think about the way things were supposed to be. we had been trying for years to have a second child and she is finally on her way. we had chosen a great private school for majerle to go to, i was working part time and planned on going back to school in the fall. brian felt that it was time for us to get engaged, so maybe i would be planning a wedding. but of course, things changed once brian died. today is my baby shower and i can't help but think back to our baby shower for majerle and how different things are now. part of me feels like the only reason people insisted that i have a baby shower and are even showing up is out of pity. i'm alone. i can barely pay the bills. and i'm worried about how i will raise 2 girls by myself. i don't know what it's like growing up with out a father, since i've always been a daddy's girl. i feel sad knowing that father and daughter will never meet--not because he didn't want to be there or because i didn't want him to be there but because he's gone. i never thought i'd be "widowed" at 28.

my hope is that next year, i can sit and think about how the hopelessness i feel now has passed. i pray that things will have changed for the better and will continue to change positively for me and my girls.

Change

It's been a while since I've blogged, but from time to time I think about it. So I figured, hey there's no time like the present! A lot has changed since January of this year. Majerle is now 3, she goes to an amazing preschool and she's taking dance classes (tap and ballet). Soon, she will be enrolled in swimming lessons. I've been keeping her busy because her dad/my other half, passed away in august. It's been rough on both of us and it seems to be getting harder and harder each day. Majerle does go to counseling and I know I should do the same. One thing we are looking forward to is the arrival of Majerle's new baby sister in mid March. Naturally, it will be bittersweet. Brian and I had been trying to have another child for at least 2 years. We managed to get pregnant twice during that time, but ended up miscarrying with both. I don't understand why we finally were able to conceive and have a healthy pregnancy 2 months before Brian's death, but maybe it's not for me to understand.

Things have drastically changed for us and hopefully we will be able to survive the storm.

 Brian

 Majerle's 1st day of school

Our last day together/Brian's last day

Just Be Yourself

Recently on one of the mommy based websites I frequent, a member posted this pic asked if any fellow moms would allow their daughter to get their haircut like this:

tmz.com

My answer: once Majerle is older (6? 7? 8?), if she wants a mohawk, she can have one. There was one response that stood out to me though. A member said no way, the haircut is ugly, its borderline abuse, it makes the little girl look like a boy, she looks foolish and people will laugh at her and call her names, and that the whole thing is just sad.

I only use this acronym when absolutely necessary, so here it goes...WTF?

I totally get that a mohawk isn't for everyone or for every family, but such a strong response seems uncalled for in my opinion. Is it really that serious? But then it got me thinking. And yes, for some people, fitting in really is that serious. It's not for me, but it wasn't always like that. Growing up, I had a core group of friends and we were always well liked by the majority of our peers. We were not cookie cutter images of each other (unless we planned it), we each had our own sense of style, and that was that. Or so I thought. Right before my senior year of high school my family moved from Michigan to North Carolina. I had no friends, therefore I had no expectations. My personal style changed, the music I listened to changed, and my personal identity changed. Not because I was trying to reinvent myself but because I could finally be myself without any borders.

After I suffered through my senior year in a new land, I went to college back up in Michigan and was roommates with one of my best friends from high school. I had to make a conscious decision to keep doing what I liked to do and not worry about what she might say. After my freshman year I ended up transferring to a university in North Carolina and it was liberating, once again, to be the stranger. There were no expectations of what I should be like. I enjoy the feeling of truly being myself and I encourage others to try it out.

I've had people ask me, "Why did you get tattoos?" Because I like them. "Why did you cut off all of your hair?" Because I wanted to. "Why do you want to stay at home?" Because I don't want to go out. "Why aren't you married yet? Because right now, I don't want to be. It's surprising how many people don't realize that some people don't make decisions based off of what others may think. Seems like common sense to me. I think that's why I despise baby naming guides.  Don't name your kid anything too trendy, too old fashioned, too different, too complicated, or anything that might ruffle any feathers or get them teased. Oh boo. Stop worrying about what others think. And if someone has an issue with the way you look, dress, talk, or what your name is it sucks to be them because you're perfectly happy with it! I won't tiptoe around life because I'm worried that someone won't like me or that I won't fit in. And I hope my daughter is the same way.

February is...

Black History Month. February is over. I have done NOTHING to honor Black History month. and I feel really bad about it . Initially I had planned for our family to go to the grand opening of the International Civil Rights Center & Museum, on February 1st, but one of those gigantic snow storms hit the area. Since then, the snow has come and gone. And we still haven't made it. I did end up buying the book Sit In: How Four Friends Stood Up By Sitting Down to read to my daughter. For a 2 year old, its a pretty long book. But she likes for me to read it anyway. I know she doesn't understand the concepts of segregation, integration, or things like that. Majerle doesn't understand race. She says that Mommy is brown and her and Daddy are gold.

I have walked past that historical Woolworth building a million times and never noticed/knew that it was the Woolworth lunch counter where the sit in took place. To me, it was just another empty store front that we passed on our way to the club. I don't know if all of those people who fought for equal rights would be pissed to know that or would they be somewhat pleased that people of all races and ethnicities are gathering in that same area and having a great time together. Probably a little bit of both. Sometimes I feel very conflicted. Even with knowing the history of the city I live in and the history of my family members, for the most part, I don't think about what they have gone through and experienced so that I didn't have to. But when I do take the time to reflect I am very grateful for the sacrifices they made, the battles they fought, and the passion they had for future generations.